My early days in high school were never good.   I’m always the loser in our class; they even branded me a name, “Fat ass Stacey”.  Whenever the name calling gets too much, I just sit in the corner of our toilet and cry.  Whenever I take my recess, I eat my snacks at the toilet.  The Toilet became my friend and my escape to reality in times of my pain and grief.

I isolate myself from the people that surround me, but I never like to be in this kind of situation because I don’t want to be alone in my life.  I’m so sick and tired to be left alone; people always hurt me so badly, I can no longer stand the pain they inflict in me. There’s this one time I was so hurt I wish they just kill me.

Our JS prom is coming.  I have a crush on this guy, how I wish he would ask me to be his date.  My friends have dates already. I’m hoping he’ll ask me soon.

I saw this dresses in a boutique the other day.  I’m just saving enough money to buy it.  I just really hope he’ll ask.

But on second thought, with date or without a date, I’m not missing this prom for a lifetime.   I think it’s time to show them who the real “Fat Ass Stacey” is.   

I do not know how this madness started; all I know is that I want her back, badly.

My mother was very angry at me this morning. I did not clean the garage and washed her plus size gowns this week as scheduled.  She keeps talking to me as if I am a child needing an advice.  What she didn’t notice is that my girlfriend and I already broke up a week ago.  I don’t want to tell her; she loves Annie, and has always wanted her for me. So, I kept my silence.  I was really heartbroken.  

Last night, I was alone in my room listening to the radio while strumming my old guitar.  I can’t sleep; her face kept haunting me that forlorn evening.  I went to the terrace to breathe some fresh air and relax my mind.  As the swift air dampens my skin, it’s like she hugged me tightly and I instantly felt her warmth.  The moon and stars were silent that they seemed to know the unbearable pain in my heart.  

It was past 2:00 in the morning, still I was awake.  The village was still and calm.  I looked down at the pool, the moon light reflects on it and my face as well.  Suddenly, tears fell.  I silently cried letting the tears drown my sorrow knowing that I am wounded deep within that no one can cure.  I opened a beer and got myself drunk.  It was 10:00 in the morning when I woke up.  I didn’t notice that I feel as sleep; all I remembered was I cried that night longing for her.

“I demand freedom to those who condemn me.”

They have no right to judge me. Whenever I go to mass, people always stare at me like I have leprosy or something. Even though I can’t see what is on their mind, I can feel the hate and hideous stares like they are insisting me to leave the house of God.  

Maybe because of the way I dress? You see, I like rugged style dresses because I want to show my identity to society. Yet, people always condemn me because of it.  I just want to shout at their faces saying “mind your own business!” But I never do it because I am agoraphobic; I don’t socialize at all.

I perceived them as users of God, because they tend to devote themselves to God, but they don’t know the value of kindness. Yes, I admit that I am a sinner, I am not faithful to my boyfriend, I am a fornicator but I do believe in God and I know that you must not condemn and judge other people by the way they look or what they are in society.