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My early days in high school were never good. I’m always the loser in our class; they even branded me a name, “Fat ass Stacey”. Whenever the name calling gets too much, I just sit in the corner of our toilet and cry. Whenever I take my recess, I eat my snacks at the toilet. The Toilet became my friend and my escape to reality in times of my pain and grief.
I isolate myself from the people that surround me, but I never like to be in this kind of situation because I don’t want to be alone in my life. I’m so sick and tired to be left alone; people always hurt me so badly, I can no longer stand the pain they inflict in me. There’s this one time I was so hurt I wish they just kill me.
Our JS prom is coming. I have a crush on this guy, how I wish he would ask me to be his date. My friends have dates already. I’m hoping he’ll ask me soon.
I saw this dresses in a boutique the other day. I’m just saving enough money to buy it. I just really hope he’ll ask.
But on second thought, with date or without a date, I’m not missing this prom for a lifetime. I think it’s time to show them who the real “Fat Ass Stacey” is.
I do not know how this madness started; all I know is that I want her back, badly.
My mother was very angry at me this morning. I did not clean the garage and washed her plus size gowns this week as scheduled. She keeps talking to me as if I am a child needing an advice. What she didn’t notice is that my girlfriend and I already broke up a week ago. I don’t want to tell her; she loves Annie, and has always wanted her for me. So, I kept my silence. I was really heartbroken.
Last night, I was alone in my room listening to the radio while strumming my old guitar. I can’t sleep; her face kept haunting me that forlorn evening. I went to the terrace to breathe some fresh air and relax my mind. As the swift air dampens my skin, it’s like she hugged me tightly and I instantly felt her warmth. The moon and stars were silent that they seemed to know the unbearable pain in my heart.
It was past 2:00 in the morning, still I was awake. The village was still and calm. I looked down at the pool, the moon light reflects on it and my face as well. Suddenly, tears fell. I silently cried letting the tears drown my sorrow knowing that I am wounded deep within that no one can cure. I opened a beer and got myself drunk. It was 10:00 in the morning when I woke up. I didn’t notice that I feel as sleep; all I remembered was I cried that night longing for her.
“I demand freedom to those who condemn me.”
They have no right to judge me. Whenever I go to mass, people always stare at me like I have leprosy or something. Even though I can’t see what is on their mind, I can feel the hate and hideous stares like they are insisting me to leave the house of God.
Maybe because of the way I dress? You see, I like rugged style dresses because I want to show my identity to society. Yet, people always condemn me because of it. I just want to shout at their faces saying “mind your own business!” But I never do it because I am agoraphobic; I don’t socialize at all.
I perceived them as users of God, because they tend to devote themselves to God, but they don’t know the value of kindness. Yes, I admit that I am a sinner, I am not faithful to my boyfriend, I am a fornicator but I do believe in God and I know that you must not condemn and judge other people by the way they look or what they are in society.
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